


Can You Come A Little Closer ?

by Creepikat



Category: Starfighter (Comic)
Genre: First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, deimos need love, dramatic and sad babies, ethos is a drunk mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creepikat/pseuds/Creepikat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deimos quirked a dubious eyebrow. Ethos noted it and continued his grumpy rant.</p><p>“You are ! You're nice and gentle and cool and...and..and beautiful !”</p><p>...He should put this on the drunk state's account. And Ethos naïve kindness. And not blush like a virgin. Not blush like Ethos who was still frowning yet falling back on the mattress with flushed cheeks, not entirely due to the alcohol. </p><p>“Soooooo beautiful...It's awful.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can You Come A Little Closer ?

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic in the Starfighter fandom so I hope you'll enjoy it. I make Deimos and Ethos poor angsty babies at first but don't worry I am damned by the fairy of fluff and cheese and it will end well. 
> 
> The title refer to "Closer" by Tegan & Sara
> 
> Thanks to Eli (http://starfighterobsessions.tumblr.com/) who corrected and reviewed my work. I'm sorry I didn't follow every one of your advices but thanks again for taking the time to read me ! Btw go on her tumblr she's amazing (proooopaganda) !

Deimos silently cursed Cain and his fucking navigator. It happened quite often these days, too often. And now the list of insults he mentally screamed had no end. 

“Deeeeeeiiiimos...Where ar'we goiiiin ?”

His annoyed glare fell on the person leaning heavily against him. 

“I wanna go baaack to the cluuub...”

Letting out a huff of exasperation, he adjusted his grip on Ethos's waist. Because of course, it was a drunk and loud Ethos he had to drag back to the hotel. They had taken rooms there on Abel's demand, a petty request in his opinion, yet now he was almost grateful. The airport and their ship were even further from the place they went to in order to spend their shore leave and party. If Deimos had to drag Ethos's drunk body for another ten minutes, he couldn't swear he wouldn't have abandonned him. 

“Deimoooos...”

He stopped in front of their door, throwing a brief deadly glare at the next one in the corridor. Abel and Cain's room. The one these two would share tonight and would obviously have sex in. While him would have to hide his head under a pillow to avoid hearing Abel's pityful slutty moans and the Cain's growls of pleasure...What a delight. As he searched his pocket for his pass, he had to move, which made Ethos lose his balance. He stumbled and grasped Deimos's hips to avoid miserably falling to the ground. Deimos tensed at the quite intimate contact. Great. If this one was a touchy-feely drunk on top of a chatty one there would be one less person alive by the morning. 

“Oooops ! Sooorry !” 

Ethos offered him a huge apologetic grin. He looked incredibly stupid. And would almost have looked endearing if he hadn't been painfully gripping his hips. Ruthlessly, Deimos pushed Ethos off of him and lifted him up on his feet. The blonde leaned against the wall long enough that Deimos could find his pass and open the door. Then he managed to drag the dead weight Ethos was being in his trail. When he was thrown on the bed, he merely rolled around and giggled, eliciting an exceeded eyeroll from the fighter. Great. Not only was he going to spend the night listening to the two other rabbits going at it, but he'd also have to endure the drunk hyena sharing his room. Simply great. It was definitely his lucky day. 

“Deiiiimooos ?”

Only a groan responded to his whine.

“My legs hurt...Can'you help meee undress ? Pleaaase ?”

He hadn't signed up for this baby-sitting shit. Cain's slut had handed him the intoxicated baby without even bothering to ask him if he was okay with it. 

_Hey Deimos ? Can you do something for me Deimos ? Can you take him back to the hotel Deimos ? We have so much more important things to do than you, like dancing and fucking, you understand Deimos ? Why are you making this face Deimos ? It's not like you had anything better to do tonight, right Deimos ? You're only here to play the lackey aren't you Deimos ? Thanks, I won't forget what you did when I'll get fucked by Cain while you'll struggle with my dumbass friend of a navigator Deimos !_

Abel couldn't help but add more and more reasons for Deimos to kill him in his sleep. But back to the whining mess that was Ethos. He was pitifully looking up at him, his mouth bended in a chagrined pout. The dark-haired man sighed, a little bit softened. He wasn't gonna make him pay for Abel's bullshit and Cain's betrayal. He wasn't at fault if they hung around a couple of self-centered asses. Nor was it his fault if Ethos had trusted the sly fighter and drank the liquor he handed him without a second thought. Now that he thought about it, Deimos began to suspect he did it on purpose to get rid of both of them. The more time passed the more he wondered why he idolized Cain so much not so long ago. 

“Deimooos ?”

...Fine. He approached, sat next to Ethos and took his boots off without a word. Internally calming himself down and reporting his fury on the real responsibles of this annoying situation, Abel and Cain, not on the innocent boy who looked at him with hopeful eyes and a dopey smile. 

“Thaaaanks ! You so niiiice Deimos...”

He snorted. Yes of course. Ethos only knew his quiet and collected surface after all. Poor naive boy. Suddenly something hit his arm and he jumped a little, his hand already on his hidden knife. But it was only the navigator who had pushed himself up on his elbows and was frowning at him. Cheeks puffed out in annoyance. Cute. Ugh. 

“Don't sno't at my faaace ! You are !”

Deimos quirked a dubious eyebrow. Ethos noted it and continued his grumpy rant.

“You are ! You're nice and gentle and cool and...and..and beautiful !”

...He should put this on the drunk state's account. And Ethos naïve kindness. And not blush like a virgin. Not blush like Ethos who was still frowning yet falling back on the mattress with flushed cheeks, not entirely due to the alcohol. 

“Soooooo beautiful...It's awful.”

Deimos was restraining himself to ask what did he meant by that. He didn't talk or waste any word on anyone. Not even on endearing boys who were drunkenly flattering him. Correction. Especially not on them. He shouldn't be weak enough to yield to such stupid and clumsy advances. He was above this, he was...

“You're too pure and beautiful for this woooorld...Like a niiiice cinnamon rooooll...”

...Fuck this. With an heavy sigh he climbed on the bed, hovering over Ethos's flustered face. This one smiled dumbly and lifted a wavering hand, reaching to the fighter's cheek. The latter, taken aback, made a move to pull back, but was stopped by the blonde's upset grimace.

“Sorry...I know...I know you don't wanna hear'it...You're super beautiful and I..I..I'm so lame...Right ? I'm super lame and you're super disgusted and I'll never have a chance with you because you are so...so...”

As he started to hiccup, Deimos began to panic. Oh fuck. What was he supposed to do with a boy who was kind of confessing to him while sobbing like a whale ? He absolutely didn't know. Plus he was still busy processing his words and fighting back the red who was painting his face. No, he couldn't let flattery get to him. It was nothing, it was drunk talk, it was merely some desperate virgin trying to soften him up to get laid or something like that. Ethos didn't know what he was saying, it was the alcohol and hormones crying and begging him to give in and grant them why they wanted. A quick reassuring fuck to boost the blonde's ego and satisfy his virginally frustrated libido. Deimos shouldn't yield, he wasn't low enough for this anymore...

With a deep breath he backed off and returned to his initial task, trying to ignore Ethos's soft whimpers. Removing the second boot, he wondered if he should take off his pants too. Not that he particulary wanted to see the navigator's naked body but he guessed he wouldn't be comfortable sleeping fully clothed. He should at least free him from his thick jacket, he decided, moving back closer to the blonde and helping him to sit up. Ignoring the whimpers as best as he could. Which was extremely difficult when Ethos let his upper body fall forward against the fighter's chest, his head perfectly landing on his shoulder like in some shitty cheesy comedy. Perfect. Now he could directly sob in his ear. And grip at his shirt. With a small 'tsk' Deimos hit the way too curious hands, these one more caressing than gripping his chest actually. Which was inconvenient. And strangely exciting. 

_No. Bad Deimos. Don't give in to the need of being held and keep it in his pants before you end up regretting your acts._

At least from this position he could easily slid the jacket off and push Ethos back to the mattress. Where he had better stay still and fall asleep before Deimos tied him up, and not in a good kinky way, so his hands wouldn't wander in the night. He was ready to push him off when the sly innocent-looking little blonde suddenly grasped his shirt and began to nuzzle his neck, his whines of self-pity cut by incoherent words.

“Hic...Y'smell niiiice...Hic...warm...Hic...Bet you taste good...Hic..” 

And on this determined statement he decided to mouth at Deimos skin, tongue darting out to lazily trail along his neck. The later went still, spine ran through by unexpected shivers, his flushed cheeks betraying his weird arousal. 

_No. No. NO. It's Ethos. Ethos. Sweet, naïve, way too talkative and trusting Ethos. Not for you, too innocent for you. Too innocent for anyone of this fucked up ship. Virginally drunk. Don't realize what he's getting into, only act on impulse. Calm down and don't touch him. Calm down. Think about Cain and his slut going at it and calm down Deimos._

He tried to get out of his hold but Ethos only reaffirmed it, passing an arm around his waist. A real mussel stuck on a fucking rock. 

“Nooooo...Why you pushin' me awaaaay ? I'm so lame you don't 'ven wanna hold me, 's'that iiit ?”

Oooooh please not the self-loathing shit. He was a master at the mental self-loathing shit but at least he didn't say it out loud so everyone could take pity on him and yield to his demands. Brutally, he grabbed the blonde's shoulders and pushed him to a safe distance. Still holding him in case he'll try to jump back on Deimos, this one gave him an unimpressed and severe look. Clearly silently telling that he would not fall for his shit and that he better stop the awful whining before he ended up gagged with the pillow. 

But when he met Ethos's big eyes he felt his will melt to an alarming pace. That was it, Deimos was becoming a fucking softie now that he hanged around navigators. One tearful and hopeful gaze and he was ready to bend. 

“Deimoooos ? Why you don' want meeeee ?”

_Because you're a cute yet drunk mess and tomorrow morning you'll wonder why you did this, you'll leave as quick as you can and you won't talk to me ever again. And I'll end up fucked in all the senses of the terms. And I don't want that. Because it was already hard to handle it with Cain but I think it will be even worse if you do this to me. Because you're not an ass and you're the only person who genuinely seem interest by me. So if you leave me too I will feel like the most worthless person in all the galactic alliance. Maybe even more worthless than Phobos, that's saying a lot coming from me._

“Buuuuut I loooove you...”

He jumped in surprise, eyes widening. His nails digged into Ethos's skin as he painfully bit on his lips to refrain from snapping at the navigator. The fucking idiotic navigator who had no idea what he was saying. Who was all drunk talk and sweet meaningless words. He didn't love him. Not like this, never like this. He liked his face, he liked his body, he liked the idea of kissing it, kissing all of it. His drunk mind liked the proximity, the contact, the need, the feeling. But not what was past the skin. 

“Y'heaaar me ? I said I looooove you...”

_Shut up you don't, you don't. Nobody do. Shut up, shut up._

“...You're beaaauuutiful...”

_Shut up or I might believe you and yield. And it will be all over again. Shut up._

“Why don't you wannaaaa believe me ? I meaaaan it...You huuurt me Deimos...You huurt my pooor laaame feelings sooo much...Ugh...”

_SHUT UP._

“You hate meeee now you 'now I looov..”

“Shut up.”

It was not more than a whisper. But it sufficed to shush Ethos. And make Deimos cringe in discomfort. Yet if his attitude didn't look firm, his eyes, they, were implacable. Taking an inspiration too deep and shaky, betraying his nervousness, he approached. So his next world would be nothing but an almost imperceptible murmur. 

“You...”

His finger darted at the Ethos's chest, right above his heart, this one pulsating wildly as if he just ran across mounts and hills for hours. Maybe trying to seduce someone as unpredictable as Deimos was too much for an ingenue like Ethos. Too complicated for his poor little heart who cried out its drunk 'love'. 

“...don't love me.”

Ethos seemed ready to protest yet a hiss from the fighter made his eyes widen in fright. Good. At least he wouldn't continue to painfully remind to Deimos that the only people who pretended to love him were just drunk and stupidly naïve. He didn't seem to have to convince him more than that to make him realize he indeed didn't truly love him, not like that, not like Deimos could hope for. He didn't need this another blow to his self-esteem.

“You...”

It was nauseating, truly, to push away the only person who ever tried to offer you affection and sweet feelings. As drunk as they were, it was still comforting to hear someone utter such a strong confession for you, for the first time ever. Yet it was also lulling yourself with wishes and fantaisies. And if he let this soft cloud of fake hopes take him too high, he wouldn't be able to survive the fall. 

“...know nothing...”

Emphasazing his words with a swift cut through the air made Ethos's head bend sheepishly. Deimos felt divided at seeing him start to give up. Relieved he wouldn't have to repulse him all night. Yet disappointed he didn't insist more...that he didn't kepp trying to convey his...No. No he was a fool for wishing such a pitiful torture. He had to be rational and put an end to this masquerade. 

“...about me.”

This time the blonde wouldn't even dare to meet his eyes, eyes that glinted with a deadly and silent menace. Deimos ignored the need to soften up before he started to hate him. To fear him to the point of never trying to look at him again with those big gleaming clear eyes, full of concern and adoration.

“Nothing.”

His words were final. 

Ethos curled on himself, head hidden behind his knees. Deimos gulped back his stupid remorse and finally backed off. Turning his gaze anywhere but on the navigator's broken expression, he crawled to his side of the bed. Cursing the person who rented the bedroom for thinking a double bed would be okay. It wouldn't. Not with Deimos's mind filled with slurring confessions and a drunk Ethos moving behind his back. 

While lying down, back turned to him, he heard a restrained sob followed by the noises of stirred sheets. Praying hard he wasn't gonna come closer, Deimos released an eased sigh as Ethos stopped moving. Yet even like this he had to supress the urge to shift with anxiety, dreading the possibility Ethos might roll around and press to his back or something as uncomfortable. He was starting to consider taking some covers and laying down on the floor, far away from the blonde, when Ethos opened his big drunk mouth again. 

“I do.”

If the sheets were living beings, the way Deimos fisted them would have made them bleed to death. A warm breath tickled his nape. He didn't need much more to push himself off of the bed and make volte-face with the intent to either leave the room, or lock Ethos outside. He had patience, even kindness, for the poor innocent boy. But not enough to suffer this kind of affront all fucking night long. Not even one more time. 

“What ?” He snarled, his voice finally raising above a mutter. Betraying his ugly, hoarse tone that he hated to an indescribable point.

Ethos was on his knees. Looking straight at Deimos, his eyes shining with an uncanny mix of despair and determination. Without a warning, he leaned forward and caught Deimos's wrist. The shock of being touched, especially after intimidating the blonde, made him go speechless. Not like his usual muteness, when he could actually pronounce something even if he didn't have the need to. No here he had the will to snap back. Except that the words refused to come out. Not when Ethos was willingly touching him, even when still full of the fear Deimos could read in his body, on his face, barely hidden behind his weak frown. 

_Why ? Why ?! Let me go ! You don't wanna touch me ! You don't want me ! I told you not to ! Stop insisting ! Don't try to convince me, don't let me being convinced ! Let go or I might be !_

It's bad. Nobody went that far to fuck him. Nobody reacted like this to one of his rejection. They either gave up when he menaced them, or forced themselves on him. Abandoning all pretence of truly liking him and revealing their true intentions. But no one ever gripped his hands while begging him like this, with their eyes wide and hopeful. Never had he seen such supplication on someone's face. Never had someone firmly kept him from running away but only to tenderly rub their thumbs against his skin in a soothing way. No. No they pushed him against the wall, they groped at him, they rolled on top of him and pinned his arms above his head to make him yield. But never did they stop him and hold his hands in order to make him listen. 

Maybe it was because Ethos was a navigator, a weakling who knew he couldn't physically dominate him. Maybe he thought playing the gentle card would convince Deimos that he was harmless, that since he so nicely asked he deserved to be rewarded. Or maybe...Maybe he really cared...Deimos shook his head. How could he hope for such unrealistic romantic shit ? He knew better. He knew nobody truly cared about people like him. They were intrigued, attracted for some times. And once they got what they craved for, they forgot about him easily; after all Deimos knew how to fade in the scenery and from people's memory. Ethos wouldn't be, couldn't be the exception to the rule; he was getting his hopes too high. 

“I do know you. A bit...”

Deimos's head rose harshly. Ethos had a small and warm smile on his face. Too loving, too sincere. Deimos was horrified as it got to him, made him melt, made him feel like he mattered and deserved it. 

_Lies, lies. You know nothing. Nobody know anything. They don't care to know._

“I know you don'like your voooice. 'Cause the times y'make a noise your mouttth close right after and y'lips tighten like you wanna prevent to let aaaanything else pass through them. And sometimes..sometimes you also touch your throath while frowning, like you're cuuursing it mentally or somethin'. That's suuuuper cute...”

Against his will, Deimos hissed. And immediately after, his lips tightened in a thin line. It made Ethos giggle and he tensed. Ashamed to be proven right.

“See ? So cute...”

Deimos looked away. He had to avoid this gaze, this tender warm gaze that coated him in a dangerous feeling of affection. But Ethos wasn't finished proving him that he 'knew' him. 

“Alsooo...You don't like blosh...borsh...boscht ! Jeeez ! Y'don't like it even if you don't show iiit. Y'make some kind of tiny, super, super, super tiny grimaaace that y'can only see when suuuuper close. 'Cause when you eat I watch you because you're just too cuuuute and I can't help myseeelf. Like. Not. At. All. Ugh...”

Deimos stilled and looked at him with a dubious glare. Hoping it would somehow make him realize he was talking nonsense and make him shut his mouth in embarassment. But no, the drunk idiot valiantly continued his attempt to prove that because he knew some little things about Deimos it meant his confession was valid or something. 

“And...And when you're nervous or when Phobos is arouund you car...carsss...caress your knife through the fabric of y'ur clothesss. And when Abel and Cain kiss and droool on each other like horny snaaaiiiils.”

He giggled again, unlike Deimos who started to frown and to pull on Ethos's hands. He didn't want to hear what he had to say anymore; he feared where this was going. 

“You gooot the mental imaaage ? 'Cause it's hilariouuus and suuuper disgusting at the same tiiiime...”

Yes. Haha. He was laughing madly. Now he needed to get out of this room before Ethos attacked the real issue, his weak point, the thing he hated to talk about above everything else. But despite his gentleness, Ethos was cruel enough in his drunken haze to broach the subject.

“I knooow...I know why you do this. 'Cause you like Caiiin and Cain like Abeeel. Uh...Everyone like Abel...Like really fuckiiing everyone. Me too even if he steal all my fighter's attention aaaaall the time.”

Suddenly Ethos's eyes widened with realization and Deimos prayed that he realized that this was a really bad moment to approach such an off-limits topic with him. He prayed that he would take pity on him and shut his big, drunk mouth for once and for all. 

“But...But I don't like him like that y'know ?! Not like Caiiin and Praxiiis and god know who else on this shiiip...No he's just a friend. I'swear ! I can't like him when I like you !”

The fighter snorted. Not again. 

“I swear ! Abel is liiike awesome but you...you're just...perfect ! And...and...I know you don't believe it and you think Abel is because otherwise why would Cain prefer him. I...I know you like him and if he wasn't that scary I would totally hit him for making you feel like shiiit..Ugh but even if I did y'would proteect him 'cause you always do right ? 'Cause you like him and not me and it's totally normal because even if he's an ass, at least he's a sexy ass right ? And me..Me I'm just a lame virgin who can't even compare and I have no chance with you and I know it and..and...and I don't want to annoy you but I really need to tell you I love you and that you're perfect and...and I'm annoying you right ? 'Cause I'm just a pain in the ass and mine isn't good enough for anyone and...and..”

...Was he starting to hyperventilate ?

“And...And...Oh craaaap...”

He was. His hands slowly released Deimos's wrist, pressing against his chest instead as he took a trembling breath. The fighter didn't even took the opportunity to get away, his eyes were fixated on the heaving blonde. Fuck. 

In a second Deimos was at his side on the bed, one hand joining his on his upper body, the other cupping his neck to massage his nape, hoping it would calm him down. As gently as he could, he pushed Ethos on the matress, rolling him on his back. His palm pressed on the blonde's chest accompanying each inspiration, each expiration, controlling their paces until they went back to normal. 

“Ugh...I'm sorry Deimos...I...I...I'm so la-a-ame...” He hiccuped, struggling with his labored respiration. “I...I don't want you to...pity me...You...you can...leave...I know I'm...a...a bo...bother and...anyway you...you don't want to believe me so...it...it doesn't matter...anymore...I'm so...sorry...I...I...I..” 

Shit, shit, shit. He didn't have the time to listen to his whimpers until his last breath. Jumping off the bed, he opened the window, letting the icy air and wild wind invade the room. As expected it seemed to soothe Ethos, cooling down his body and granting him the air he was having trouble finding. Inhaling deeply, he hiccuped once or twice before his breathing eventually slowed down and came back to an even rhythm. Relieved, Deimos approached carefully, wanting to check on him but aware of the possibility that he was gonna continue his confused babbling. Fortunately Ethos just blinked at him before closing his eyes, a resigned expression on his features. When he opened his mouth again his voice had softened and it didn't sound as supplicating as before.

“Thanks...Y'can leave now you know...Or throw me out...Don't want to bother you any longer with...with my unrequited feelings...and lame self...”

A bitter chuckle escaped from his mouth. And for the first time tonight Deimos didn't feel the urge to gag him. Instead he felt the tiniest bit of compassion for the poor naïve blonde. Yet he still wasn't able to accept his words. He couldn't believe Ethos genuinely meant them, not the way Deimos would have liked him to mean them anyway. 

But he was tired of fighting it, he was tired of pushing Ethos away only to have him come back and smash him with confessions and painful yet honest observations about him. With a defeated grunt he lay down beside Ethos. What was gonna happen now ? Was he gonna try taking advantage of Deimos's temporary submission ? Was he gonna continue to drown him under self-pitying rants ? Or was he just gonna shut his mouth, fall asleep and leave tomorrow morning without a word because he was too mortified to face him after this ? Too mortified to stand by his words ? Too mortified to assert them once sober ? 

Deimos was too exhausted to protest anymore. He was exhausted of pushing people away, exhausted of repressing the desire to believe them, exhausted of confining himself in loneliness and self-loathing. He knew it was vital so that he could protect himself. He knew he had valid reasons to do so. And he knew the risks he was taking by not doing this. But for a minute he let Ethos look at him with these clear longing eyes. And he didn't growl when a hesitant hand brushed his cheek, soft and light as a feather, trembling from anticipation. 

“I will say it one last time. And after I'll leave you alone. But I'm honest about..about everything...It's okay if you don't like me back but...but at least...trust me when I say it...”

Deimos sighed, his head hurting, his eyes asking nothing more than to close and rest. 

“And Deimos ?”

He felt his eyelids fall and welcomed the darkness.

“You're beautiful.”

The shaky tone followed by a long silence made Deimos blink his eyes open. Was Ethos finally asleep ? No. He was looking at him, mute and true to his previous words. He was finished harassing him with sweet feelings. At least his mouth was finished uttering them. His eyes them were still crying for recognition. Like they were waiting for an answer. A word, a grunt, a nod, anything so they could finally shut close. 

Deimos didn't know what took over him. But a sudden urge twisted his guts and before he could stop himself, he had grasped Ethos's hand and was intertwining their fingers. A watery smile replied to his gesture and the blonde nuzzled the pillow, ready to let Morpheus drag him into unconsciousness. Deimos's lips opened slightly. And his tongue ran without his brain commanding it to.

“I want to. Believe you. But I can't. Not when you're in this state. Later maybe. If you still have the guts to talk about this. Then we'll see if you really meant this.” His whisper caressed Ethos's face and this one trembled a little.

“Promise ?” He mumbled, his voice barely audible.

Deimos only asnwered by pressing Ethos's hand. Praying he wasn't making another great mistake and hoping once again for something he could never obtain.


End file.
